Welcome everyone and happy Asexual Awareness Week! This week is dedicated to bring more awareness to people on the asexual spectrum. We’ll have daily posts with interviews, guest posts and other exciting things! Annie starts off this week by talking a bit about her experience.
It’s Asexual Awareness Week again. One year passed since my post and rereading now feels kind of weird. In just a year I learned so much more about the ace spectrum and about myself. I’ve met more people across the spectrum and keep learning from them. One thing I’ve realized is that I’m probably on the aro-spectrum too (demiromantic), and I won’t lie that I kind of struggle with putting that and the idea I had of “normal” together. Theoretically I know that there is no “normal” and each person is unique in some way, but there is an accepted normal that I don’t fit in – and sometimes I really, really just want to fit. I feel like I do when I’m online, but it’s completely different when I’m offline.
Knowing my label helped me meeting other ace people. It’s the best thing in the world when you know someone you can talk to, rant about something and just know that that person *gets you* on a level an allo person will likely not. This is not to say that I’m ungrateful for allo-allies, queer or not.
But having the label and coming to terms with what it means for me also isn’t always easy. I have days were I feel hella ace and that’s amazing. Those days I want to give a big fuck you to the acephobes when they’re out there spewing shit again. But then I’ll also have a lot of days were being ace feels lonely.
Sometimes it’s hard when everyone seems to be so confident and comfortable in their skin – I do know that everyone struggles once in a while – but you don’t see that often. (Which I understand. That shit is private and you don’t want everyone up in your business. And it’s not like I talk about feeling shitty. Usually I won’t.)
I want other people on the asexual spectrum out there, who are also struggling, to know that they are not alone. We all have shitty days. Sometimes more, sometimes less – but we all go through moments of doubt. When your brain is like “Maybe you’re just an impostor. How do you know you are ace?” Some nights when you lie awake, trying to figure it out. What usually helps me is having friends I can talk to, or when I don’t particularly feel like talking I pick up a favourite book to reread. Maybe watch some hockey if there is a game on, or watch a tv show or movies.
I guess the point of this post is, that this is me; my experience with asexuality and being demiromantic. I can’t change who I am, and as much as I sometimes wished I was “normal”, this is me. The woman who loves books and loves talking about books, who gets up in the middle of the night to watch the Blues. Someone who wished she had a person to come home to in the evenings. Someone who is a demiromantic asexual still figuring this shit out.
If you want to know more about asexuality or have questions, we’d advice you to check out AVEN. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network, which we found really helpful.